Ma Peeker's filthy mind.

[Peter Peeker]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen!"

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."


All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most rivetting subject the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"



She replied, "He's probably drinking beer at the bar with his friends"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes ma'am. Ya' see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete city outfit."

Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"

"Well, ma'am, how about a suit?"

"Yes, sir. What size?"

"Size 53 tall, ma'am."

"Wow, that's really big."

"Yes, ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?" she asked.

He replied, "How about some shoes?"

"What size?"

"Size 15 double E."

"Wow, that's really big!

"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?"

"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."

"Yes, sir. What size?"

"Nineteen and a half neck, sleeves 38," he replied.

"Wow, that's really big!"

"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"Will there be anything else?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am. I 'spect I'll need a hat."

"Yes, sir. What size? and style?"

"Eight and five-eighths. Stetson."

"Wow, that's really big!"

"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

She virtually glowed as she asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No ma'am, I reckon that will be all."

As the sweet young thing tallied up his bill, and as the Texan counted out his money, she blushed and asked, "Sir, could I ask you a question?"

"Yes, ma'am, I already know what it is. And the answer is four inches."

Astonished, she blurted out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!"


Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied
"From the floor ma'am.................From the floor."

[grail25]

[img]biggrin.gif[/img]

[Dajistano]

Can your mom be any more awesome?

[Drau]

LOL [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

[toymank]

bless her heart [img]wink.gif[/img]

[Peter Peeker]

LATE BREAKING NEWS FROM CNN


In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name.

For Example,
Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen.

Aleve is also Called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin.

Advil is called Ibuprofen.



The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, its recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to The names of "cocktails", "highballs", and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "Mount & Do".

[Peter Peeker]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.

The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

The landlord brings the sandwich and beer.

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.

Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

This continues for 2 weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus," says the landlord.

"The circus?" the duck enquires.

"That's right," replies the landlord.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.

"That's right!" says the landlord.

The duck looks confused, "What the would they want with a plasterer?"

[DemonsAngel]

HAHA [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]